So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
