Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
