I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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