Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm like, not good at living.
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