I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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