I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
