I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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