My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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