i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
