so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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