Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
