Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
