No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
