Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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