naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
