she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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