I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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