Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
