I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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