if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
