bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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