I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize