Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
