Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
