I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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