I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
