Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
