Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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