nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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