Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
