Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
