Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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