I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
