So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My ass is underappreciated
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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