whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
