I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize