I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
