Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
