this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize