the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
