So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
you had me at cake vodka
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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