i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
