The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
