TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Come see our sink grown plant.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
