About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
