remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Less talking, more tequila
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
