Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
foreskin is a definite game changer
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
