I want to make a zoo with you.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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