WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
