happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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