I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
