I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize