He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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