Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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