I'm going to jail i love you
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
