How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Even my vagina gasped.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize