i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize