guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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