I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
