A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
