and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
