I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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