it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
His hands were made for my vagina.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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