When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
