TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
