she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
