my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
