Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
