I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
